Helicopter Parenting
Today's parent is described as being more involved in their children's lives than in previous generations. In Suzuki, we want the parent involved, especially when the child is young. The working triangle between student, teacher and parent is vital to the process. But it is sometimes difficult to know where the boundary should be. The term 'helicopter parent' refers to the style of child rearing where an overprotective parent discourages a child's independence by swooping in at any sign of challenge or discomfort. In music teaching, we see this manifest itself when a parent regularly interjects during the lesson, answers questions that were aimed at the child, or offers excuses as to why assignments were not done, when a student is old enough to take responsibility for this himself. The long-term goal of every parent (and teacher) is for the child to attain independence. We should ask ourselves: Am I supporting or hindering the learning process and the child's development?
Over-Scheduling
This is a modern day phenomena much talked about amongst teachers. It is especially prominent in areas where families tend to be more educated and affluent. Parents want the best for their children. This often translates into wanting it all for their children. Mastering a musical instrument is a wonderful and tremendous challenge that takes more than a decade of work and dedication to accomplish. Each student should have an instrument that is their first priority or 'discipline'. After becoming reasonably proficient on their 'main' instrument (after Book 4), they may add a secondary instrument if they wish. Remember that each instrument requires daily practice and weekly instruction. It is also beneficial for children to have a sport that keeps them physically active. With school, music and a sport, they have more than enough on their plate. Any more and we get into dangerous territory. When a child does not have enough 'down' time, they come to resent their scheduled activities. They also risk becoming a 'jack-of-all-trades, master of none'. The best time to dabble in fun, new things, is during the summer and/or at camp, institutes and workshops. I cannot emphasize enough how much the problem of over-scheduling has interfered with the success of even the best students. In this area, the saying « Less is more. », truly applies.
Giving children the option of quitting
Give a child the option of quitting enough times, and she/he will eventually take you up on it. When I was growing up, private music instruction took place on a year-round basis (minus vacations), not only for my family, but for everyone else I knew, as well. Chlidren were not asked every summer whether or not they wanted to continue the following year. Do we ask our childrern whether or not they want to continue school? Of course not. If music is a valued part of your child's education, then it should fall under the same category of 'things we do that are not optional'. I have met countless adults who have excitedly told me they used to play an instrument. This is almost always followed by a sorrowful admission: "I quit when I was a teen. I wish I hadn't quit. My mom should not have let me." Yes, they blame their mother....every time! Periods of low motivation happen to everyone. There are many things to try or change that can improve the situation. Quitting should be the last resort.
Not appreciating classical music in the home
I am teaching the second generation of children who were not given an appreciation for the arts, due to cut-backs in the schools. The children I teach today are suffering from not only thier own lack of arts education in school, but that of their parents. How can they develop a true love of great music if their parents do not have it? We learn to appreciate what is in our environment. We gain a love for what we were exposed to during childhood. If a child does not hear classical music regularly in the home, does not attend concerts, does not witnesses his/her parents sharing a love of great music, the chances are that the child will not develop a love for it either. Yes, we learn to play fiddle tunes and pop songs, etc..., but the mainstay of our training is based on the classical repertoire. It is this repertoire that yields the highest technical and musical accomplishments. It is for this reason that Dr. Suzuki and so many other pedagogues chose to base their method of music learning, on classical music.
Dropping out of group classes and performances
This is possibly the biggest guarantee for failure. There is nothing more unmotivating for a child or teen, than having to practice every day (alone) and come to a weekly private lesson (alone), with no concrete goals in the immediate future. In addition to a plethora of educational things that can only be accomplished in a group setting, the social bonds of friendship and performing with peers, is what makes the group experience so vital. Students learn more by observing their peers than they do in private lessons. Progress is also slower without that extra, weekly class of instruction. When students drop out of group (and by consequence, concerts), their interest in playing will invariably diminish. The tricky thing is we may not see the results of this immediately. Parents and students often do not realize the correlation between having dropped group/performances, and wanting to quit playing a few years later. For us teachers, it is highly predictable.
More on this subject from the RCM:
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